Evil Twin Inside Me's ghost-account (eviltwininsidme) wrote in antixlovexclub,
Evil Twin Inside Me's ghost-account

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My biggest pet-peeve is when people act completely illogical and call it "love." It seems like the world's convinced sex and co-dependance combined is the same as love, but it's not, and the fact is ANYONE with no backbone and a functioning drive can conjure the illuson.
I remember being in kindergarden and my dad saying those three words "I love you" nonstop--Of course, with my dad, those words really mean "I'm in a Depression now and want to use my own daughter for pity." Alike..? Pfft, he had no idea what he was talking about. ANYWAY--and I'd always not want to answer because, as I put it, "I don't know what it MEANS..! I feel guilty saying if I don't know what it MEANS!" I just came to the conclusion as a late kindergardener that "love" means to do good acts that don't benefit yourself and not to put yourself first. I then and there decided I would be Zena, the warrior princess, and always be kind: I let people win games most of the time, every time I got a barbie from those cheapscates who went to my birthday after birthday and nothing else [grr] I would just smile and thank the ground they walked on, I gave myself one of those life-long subconscious notes to myself to always be open-minded, etc., etc...I gave up on "love" completely at nine, when Dad's drinking was at it's peek [blamed everything on me in this wavery victimized voice], every single teacher, student, and helper thought I was a loon and would massage and hurt me [and rise above their lesson-plans, which meant I had to learn all those things much later in public school], and Bipolar combinded with the medication I was taking that my parents refused to lower combined with constantly gathered and suppressed chest-pains gave me dreams that only made me crazier [revert to first entry of journal for breif synopsis of a series of dreams I had at early twelve], and just the thought of the human race made the pain in my chest arise [and I know you think I'm kidding], and I figured if all emotions meant I was crazy, maybe I should question the philosophy of love...Love is blind. Love's actions are good, but love itself is as blind as any other stupid human thing.
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